OK, OK, about 15% of this book is complete nonsense, and probably about 5% is outdated However, a good 80% of it is genuinely good advice.
As somebody who lived 25 years of her life being the complete opposite of a Rules girl and failing miserably at building healthy romantic relationships, I found myself a littleopen minded than the average person when it came to this book.
Here are some ways in which I think this book succeeds distinction between the ways of men and women Men and women are fundamentally different not in terms of equality or worth as human beings, but in the ways they interact, behave and what each is initially attracted to It s a scientific fact that our brains are wired differently A man s first impression is primarily VISUAL they are drawn to pretty girls and bright colors whether it s a dress, shoes, jewelry, hair is a whole other story So I don t think there s anything wrong with the suggestion to take care of ourselves so that WE can feel great about ourselves what the man thinks is only an added bonus Also, the suggestion to pay attention to what a man does, not what he says Especially with men, actions do speak louder than words encouraging women to have a life of their own outside the dating world Yes, the book is written mainly for women who are interested in finding the perfect husband However, for every time the authors tell you to wait before responding to a man or limit the number of dates you have with him every week, there is an equal amount of effort dedicated to the theme of don t just say you re busy, BE busy Obviously it won t be possible to have an engagement every single Friday and Saturday night for the rest of your life at least, it isn t for me , and sometimes you may have to keep the truth from the guy you re dating to maintain the impression that you re a social butterfly and thus beappealing to him I honestly don t see the harm in this if being alone on a Friday night bothers you, then wouldn t it be even worse to advertise it to the men you re dating And also it s really none of his business what you re doing when you re not with him while you re still casually dating the idea of putting long term goals before short term gratification Again, this book is geared primarily towards women who are looking for a long and happy marriage If that s not you, then this book is not for you But it s still no reason to trash the book boosting self confidence The way I see it, the rules are strung together with a very important thread, and that s the idea of women taking care of themselves, whether it be superficial physical pampering , spiritual doing yoga, meditation or anything else that makes YOU feel happy , and social engaging in healthy romantic relationships So for everybody who s saying this book is anti feminist, I ll have to respectfully disagree Twilight is a book about damsels in distress The Rules isn t The rules simply encourage you to be a challenge for the next guy who comes along, and I see nothing wrong with this Yes, it really sucks that dating has to be a game, but at least in the beginning I believe that s the truth and everybody who s dying to open up and be honest about EVERYTHING myself including just has to suck it up and get through to the next stage the Rules are not forever This book is about presentation, not lying They re not saying you can t be honest about your awkward ugly duckling phase in high school or the fact you re in AA just not on the first couple dates And assuming you are taking care of yourself for yourself , this really doesn t matter in the long run.
Yes, there are a number of spots where it seems like this book contradicts itself the whole therapist business, the fashion magazines, etc etc , and if you want to nitpick the entire thing as though it s a classic of world literature, you re bound to find many faults But I don t think that s what this book should be treated as The biggest messages I got from it were to a take care of myself in every way, including not taking risks with the men I let into my life and b stop wasting my time and energy over dead end situations a message shared with He s Just Not That Into You If these aren t empowering messages, I don t know what is.
Heck, I d even go as far as to say I d make my daughter read this, if I ever have a daughter.
People get the wrong idea from this book and roll their eyes, but then sit at home on Thursday night, praying for weekend plans This book advises women NOT to do that, go out and fall in love with yourself Also, don t be at the beck and call of a man They should value the time they spend with you and make plans to be with you, should be confident and proactive, romantic, straightforward, and ahead of the game If you re always waiting for them, you set the tone for the relationship The rules help you to love yourself.
Long before this book was written my grandmother told me, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free The Rules puts grandma s idea into practice This is basic, common sense stuff.
don t sit around waiting for the phone to ring or be available at the drop of a hat Get a life, don t bag out on your girlfriends because some guy called, and keep the first few dates short and sweet Grandma knows best A few questions 1 What person in their right mind would take the abuse of someone not returning their calls If such a person kept chasing after such a person, doesn t that person have low self esteem, or, he believes in the scarcity of attractive women Is that what Rules women want 2 If you re always ending calls first, no matter how well the conversation is going, aren t most guys beyond high school going to figure out what you re doing Aren t most people going to feel you don t care about them if you re ending calls first ALL THE TIME 3 Why are we taking the advice of these people One of the authors couldn t hold her man and got a divorce Whether it s one fault or both, seems to me that the author isn t clear on what works and does not work Likewise, I don t listen to journalists, who make less than 60k, yet give advice on the stock market to make money Why would I get advice from people who produce far less results than I do So, I ask why are you getting advice from someone whose own relationship does not produce the listed results and 4 There isn t enough here about tapping a man s ego Ifwomen did that, instead of hanging up on guys or not returning calls, they might getresults.
Some of the points, like not being super available or talking about yourself only, are valid points But some of the points in here could screw up your chances with a great guy.
C He may wonder if other men are looking at you in your Lyrca That will good for the relationship Don t sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean Paul Sartre Friday and Saturday nights are for mingling You can read Sartre on Monday He says he loves her, but he never pinches her bottom in the kitchen and would rather watch the 11 o clock news alone in his reclining chair than cuddle in bed with his wife It s natural to want to fly off the handle every time something goes wrong in the love Kingdom we all have fantasies of marital bliss This isn t always easy Sometimes you just don t feel like shaving your legs, cooking him a hot meal, or being so sweet, kind, and loving Don t you have a letter to send or a drawer to clean out When he asks you out, silently count to five before saying yes It will make him nervous and that s good Didn t look like my kind of book from the get go but it s been sitting on my desk as a TBR for at least a year so I figured I should at least flip through it.
So I randomly open up to a random page and this is the first thing I read Don t get sloppy about your looks Continue to exercise Men don t leave women who put on twenty pounds after the wedding or the first baby, but if you want your fiance or husband to keep drooling over you, keep fit Excuse me Am I reading an issue of Cosmo from 1955 Do women really take these time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr Right seriously Wow But I can t 1 star a book based on just that So I ve opened up torandom pages Even men who are in love with you and want to marry you will occaisonally say things to irk you or make you nervous, such as, I ll take you there if we re still seeing each other next yearyou know how relationships go Don t get paranoid, just ignore him Most girls would make a big fuss about it and get mad Rules girls stay calm when men tease them Shut the hell up I can t take muchof this Now that you know what not to do, what should you do to attract your man on campus .
Remember overweight is not The Rules.
Wear makeup read Glamour and other popular fashion magazines.
Don t sit in your room alone on Friday and Saturday nights reading Jean Paul Sartre Friday and Saturday nights are for mingling You can read Sartre on Monday WTF This is now making me sick to my stomach Are you seriously telling me if I read Glamour and other fashion magazines, I ll get a man Are you KIDDING me Wait Perhaps they are kidding me Is this a Satire Is this book tagged humor Sorry to say, no it isn t It says right here on the book s spine Advice Relationships sigh What I find most offensive about the above excerpt is the implication that The Rules don t even apply to plus sized ladies God forbid a fat woman needs advice on how to find a man She better wear extra makeup and carry around a Chick Lit book in her back pocket Cause you know, reading Sartre would kill her chances evenrolls eyes OK Onequote and then this book goes in the freebie pile at work Act confident even if you don t feel it Notice what kinds of clothes, shoes, bags, jewelry, and hairstyles the most popular kids in high school are wearing Don t try to be too different of frugal in this area You ll feel lousy, so it s not worth it To see what s hot and not, subscribe to Seventeen and Glamour Don t let your mind tell you that this is superficial and beneath you Save your mind for final exams and the SATs Don t you like boys who wear Polo shirts and cowboy boots when that s in fashion Well, they like girls who wear what s on MTV and in Seventeen Oh No It Didn t Go There Yes, girls, don t think Your only concern is to be just like everyone else Wear makeup Spend all your money on clothes read garbage Focus all your energy on finding a man Here s my advice, for what it s worth Act like yourself Make your own decisions about who you are and what kind of man you want And if he doesn t like you because you aren t a superficial sheep, that is his problem.
In my experience, the second I stopped trying so hard to find someone is when I finally found Mr Right Who loves me for the woman I am And I followed only my own rules And so should you, sister You Are A Creature Unlike Any Other RuleThat S Why You Need The Rules A Simple Set Of Dos And Don Ts, The Rules Will Lead You To Where You Want To Be In A Healthy, Committed Relationship Unlike Today S Haphazard Dating Customs, The Rules Recognizes Certain Facts Of Life That Men Know What They Want That A Man Is Either Attracted To You Or Not That Men Want A Challenge, Not An Instant Or Easy Victory When You Follow These Commonsense Guidelines, You Treat Yourself With Respect And Dignity And Demand That Men Do Likewise Although They Sound Old Fashioned Don T See Him Than Once Or Twice A Week , They Encourage You To Lead A Full, Satisfying, Busy Life Outside Of Romance Although They Seem Tough Don T Talk To A Man First , They Will Teach You How To Accept Occasional Defeat And Move On And Although They Require Discipline No Than Casual Kissing On The First Date , They Will Bring Out The Best In You And In The Men You Date The Goal Marriage, In The Shortest Time Possible, To A Man You Love, Who Loves You Even Than You Love Him A coworker recommended this book to me after I had gotten out of a two year relationship this was right out of college, when two years is still a significant amount of time Upon reading it, it turned into my Bible of the dating world.
I have recommended this book to many friends, most of whom have not been nearly so receptive to the message in this book because they don t like being told that they have to hold back and let the man come to you.
This book, to me, drilled two central themes into the reader 1 If a man is not smitten with you, move on 2 Don t always make yourself available for men, keep yourself busy.
This book does take a very extreme approach to dating, but I think it does so with the recognition that readers will not absolutely follow the book to the letter For example, if you tell the reader Don t ever call a man, most readers are still going to go ahead and call men, but the book makes them think twice about why they want to call Anyways, my recommendation Give it a read, try it out, and see what you think of the results before dismissing it offhand You might be surprised at your success I was.
Yeeeah After hearing the authors discuss this book on Oprah or The View or some other gyno centric talk show, I kind of suspected The Rules would send me into a killing rage I was right On the upside, I knew my husband was the one for me when he read it and proclaimed it a stupid guide for assholes I love you, honey.
Around the time this book became a bestseller in the 90s, I had been dating a woman who did me the favor of recommending it to me to read It was at the end of our relationship, and we were getting thoroughly sick of each other I was obviously not the kind of man she wanted, and she certainly was not the kind of woman I wanted.
I read it cover to cover I suppose she wanted me to learn from the book so I could improve myself for other women, but all the book did was provide irony It exposed many of the things about her I had grown tired of the missed messages the silence the cool responses to my efforts to be nice, and many other things I felt were inconsiderate and manipulative.
I won t assume this book fully explained what kind of woman she was, because it didn t and couldn t, but the book did explain at least some of the behaviors that I believe damaged any chance for us to remain together.
I m not judging this book by one failed relationship, because that would be shallow but I am judging it for what it actually is conventional wisdom mixed with advice to women for manipulating their suitors, and the book earns low marks for the latter.
I understand playing hard to get that s pretty normal stuff And I m not against ground rules in a relationship in fact, I m all for them But I do believe deception only hurts relationships, and I believe in equal measures for equal efforts If you want to call someone, call him if something pisses you off, tell him and let him know why if something makes you happy, don t hide it just because you think that would only encourage him That s bullshit Be honest with the man you think you like It works If a man is fighting an uphill battle because you re playing games with him, chances are he ll give up and find a woman who doesn t play games I m glad I did.
I think this book could have been retitled from The Rules to The Games but that would have been too honest.